Feeling ‘One and Done’ But They Ask About Baby No.2

Motherhood

There was a pause in conversation. “Are you going to have another?”, asked a well-meaning family member from across the dining table. Another cup glass of wine? Another piece of bread? Another what? Within the context, it could have been anything, but I knew exactly what they meant. Another baby. The question that fills me with dread.

It seems like when your first child enters toddlerhood, there is a societal expectation, or assumption, that all mothers are yearning for the next one. For me, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Why assume there will be a next one? For many, one is enough.

After extreme prematurity, neonatal surgeries, a 3.5 month NICU stay, post natal anxiety, PTSD and a global pandemic, early motherhood has well and truly consumed me, challenged me and changed me. Then they ask “are you going to have another” as if it’s as easy as purchasing something from the shelves of a supermarket.

feel like there is so much I still have to experience with my son. He is a healthy and happy little boy ready to see the world. But it’s not just about him.

I am working hard on my own personal development and having further therapy for my trauma. I am healing and reconnecting with parts of old myself. I want to write a book! I am unapologetically making myself a priority again.

I love my son and I have always known I wanted to be a Mum. But having another baby is not a priority right now, and I don’t think it ever will be.  Having one child is a perfectly valid option that is available to women, so let’s stop assuming that once you give birth to one child you’re on a non-stop baby train.

Female adult life isn’t all about having babies. There is so much more available to us now. There is so much more that makes us who we are. So why not ask us about our wellbeing, our travel plans or our career goals instead?

Please always be careful when asking people about their family plans. You don’t always know what they’ve been through, or are going through.

Have you ever been asked a similar question and how did you deal with it? 

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Jessica Ruth Gibson is the Founder and Editor of Travelista and an award-winning travel content creator of 10 years. She lives in York, UK with her son and has travelled to over 50 countries; her favourites being Italy, Canada and Vietnam.

5 Comments

  • Ruchika Jain
    26th May 2023
    Reply

    Well your words are really depicting the truth from both aspects.

  • Claire Ricaud
    2nd March 2022
    Reply

    I’m childless – not childfree – in other words I’m not a mother and it’s not because this is the life I wanted or chose, it’s the hand fate has dealt me. Over the 10 years that I spent trying to have a family I actually became quite reclusive (not uncommon, apparently) and even now I still find it harder to meet new people and make new friends due to the “dreaded” question that always tends to come up sooner rather than later, “Do you have any kids?” Not that I mind the question, it’s a natural part of getting to know somebody I guess, but if the response is no then the asker really ought to leave it there and move on, which more often than not they don’t. As you rightly said, you don’t always know what people have been through or are going through; if I’m open and honest about my failed fertility treatments, miscarriages and stillbirth most people feel akward and embarrassed and clearly wish they’d never asked, if I tell people to mind their own business (to spare them the discomfort of the truth and myself from feeling obliged to share the most heartbreaking and soul destroying chapter of my life with a complete stranger) then I look like the asshole and if I diplomatically try to change the subject most people who are thick skinned enough to ask me why I don’t have children or if I plan to in the future often don’t get the message so I may as well have told them to mind their own business in the first place. You would hope that it would be blatantly obvious to most adults that if we as a married couple don’t have children we either don’t want them or we can’t have them; either way why do people feel a need to ask and more importantly what makes them think that they have a right to? Married or not, straight or gay, what a woman does with her uterus is nobody’s business but her own!

    • Jess Gibson
      20th April 2022
      Reply

      Thank you for sharing your story Claire. I couldn’t agree with you more. Sorry for all the pain you have experienced. Sending love x

  • Karen Hutzcal
    12th May 2021
    Reply

    Only you know when and if you’re ready for another baby. The 3 of you have been through so much so it’s great that you’re enjoying family time as Theo is exploring the world. There’s so much more as the world will once more open up. Enjoy this time! ❤❤❤

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