Feeling ‘One and Done’ But They Ask About Baby No.2
There was a pause in conversation. “Are you going to have another?”, asked a well-meaning family member from across the dining table. Another cup glass of wine? Another piece of bread? Another what? Within the context, it could have been anything, but I knew exactly what they meant. Another baby. The question that fills me with dread.
It seems like when your first child enters toddlerhood, there is a societal expectation, or assumption, that all mothers are yearning for the next one. For me, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Why assume there will be a next one? For many, one is enough.
After extreme prematurity, neonatal surgeries, a 3.5 month NICU stay, post natal anxiety, PTSD and a global pandemic, early motherhood has well and truly consumed me, challenged me and changed me. Then they ask “are you going to have another” as if it’s as easy as purchasing something from the shelves of a supermarket.
feel like there is so much I still have to experience with my son. He is a healthy and happy little boy ready to see the world. But it’s not just about him.
I am working hard on my own personal development and having further therapy for my trauma. I am healing and reconnecting with parts of old myself. I want to write a book! I am unapologetically making myself a priority again.
I love my son and I have always known I wanted to be a Mum. But having another baby is not a priority right now, and I don’t think it ever will be. Having one child is a perfectly valid option that is available to women, so let’s stop assuming that once you give birth to one child you’re on a non-stop baby train.
Female adult life isn’t all about having babies. There is so much more available to us now. There is so much more that makes us who we are. So why not ask us about our wellbeing, our travel plans or our career goals instead?
Please always be careful when asking people about their family plans. You don’t always know what they’ve been through, or are going through.
Have you ever been asked a similar question and how did you deal with it?
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