The Travelista

  • Home
  • About
    • Collaborations
    • Press
    • FAQ
    • Contact
  • Travel
    • Destinations by World Map
    • Hotels
    • Airlines
    • Restaurants
    • Itineraries
  • Life
    • Yorkshire
    • Style
  • Motherhood
  • Inspire Me
    • Adventure
    • Beach
    • City
    • Culture
    • Mountain
    • Tropical
  • Shop
    • E-mail
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
premature birth story

My Premature Birth Story

12/05/19 ᛫ 13 Comments

Finding the words to start this blog post aren’t coming easily. I’ve stared at a blank screen for at least 5 minutes (quite unlike me). Before I start I should probably put out a bit of a disclaimer to manage your expectations. This isn’t your typical heart-warming, oxytocin-filled birth story. It is a story of trauma, fear and heart-break in its rawest form. It might not be the nicest thing to read if you’re pregnant and if you want to click away I won’t be offended. I’ve been in two minds about whether to even write this up, but I have decided to do so because it might just help other women who have also experienced PPROMS (preterm premature rupture of the membranes). I’m also writing it in the hope that it might just help me to process what happened during my premature labour and the weeks that followed. Here goes.

It all started when I was 25 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I woke up that day without a clue that my life was about to be turned upside down. I was in York and walking to my parents house when I felt a dampness. I continued to walk and felt some liquid run down my leg. I thought it was strange, but I didn’t immediately panic. My Dad is a GP, so I decided to mention it to him. It wasn’t until I saw the concern on his face that I realised that something quite significant was happening. ‘We better take you to A&E right now’, he said. I still felt like it was a bit uncalled for, but went along with the mindset that I was just going to ‘get checked out’.

We decided to bypass A&E and just turned up to York Hospital’s labour ward. I was seen straight away by a midwife, but she didn’t show much concern either. As I waited, I realised the dampness had turned into a flow whenever I was standing up. ‘Better keep sitting’, I thought. After a few hours wait and an examination, the midwife confirmed that my worst nightmare was about to begin. ‘Ok Jess, I can confirm your waters have broken. But don’t panic’. At that point, everything came crashing down on me. This wasn’t supposed to be happening yet. It felt surreal, like a bad dream I was about to wake up from. Except it wasn’t a dream.

I was admitted as an in patient and stayed in hospital overnight at York. From that point, the flow of water coming out got heavy. I spent the whole night going to the toilet every hour trying to change the thick pads I was soaking through. The more amniotic fluid I lost the scarier it became. I felt like my baby’s lifeline was draining out of me. How could he survive without any water? I could physically feel my bump getting smaller and smaller as the night went on and when I woke up I felt as if I had no bump at all. That was one of the worst bits. Was there even a baby in there any more? The midwifes kept checking for Theo’s heart beat which remained strong. This was reassuring, but I couldn’t feel him kick anymore. It felt like I had lost my pregnancy overnight.

At this point I had no contractions at all, but it was confirmed I had PPROMS. In short, I had a small hole in my amniotic sack which had caused the leak. There is no explanation to what caused it, even to this day. Until then my pregnancy had gone very smoothly and I was classified as ‘low risk’. I spoke to an optimistic Consultant at York who explained that some women can loose their waters but continue to carry their baby for a good few more weeks, and some can even reach 37 weeks. Babies don’t need amniotic fluid to survive, they just need a working placenta. He explained there was even a chance that the hole could ‘re-stick’ itself back together. He also explained that unfortunately myself and my baby were now at a high risk of infection, and if this was suspected the baby would need to be delivered immediately. I was told that from this point, every extra day I could keep Theo in would be of huge benefit to him.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but I now count my lucky stars that I didn’t immediately go into labour. There were 5 days between my waters breaking and Theo being born. During these 5 days I was given every treatment possible to try and prepare Theo’s body for the outside world. These included steroids to help mature his lungs for breathing and two rounds of Magnesium Sulphate given by IV drip. This was for his brain development. I had an awful reaction to the drip. It made me hot, clammy and I was sick multiple times, but if I didn’t have it Theo would have been born in a much worse position. I am so grateful for these 5 days as they hugely contributed towards Theo’s survival. Other women who get PPROMS aren’t so lucky and deliver straight away. Others are far luckier and manage to hold on for weeks.

The morning after I was admitted I was transferred to Bradford Women’s Hospital by ambulance. My mum came with me in the ambulance and Scott followed by car. I had to be moved because York hospital’s Special Care Baby Unit was not equipped to care for babies as early as Theo (if he decided to come). I was booked to have Theo in Leeds, but the Neonatal unit was completely full, so the next best option was Bradford. My strange and alien experience became even more alien in a brand new city of no familiarity.

The days that followed felt like a strange limbo. I was on a ward full of women, who had just had their babies. I was surrounded by mums wheeling their healthy babies around the corridors in their cots. I saw women with huge overdue bellies who were going to be induced. And then there was me. Still pregnant, but feeling like I had no bump left. I felt like I could no longer keep my baby safely inside me, but the outside world seemed a far worse, scarier place for him. Luckily I had my own room so Scott was able to stay with me all day and all night. At night we could hear the hearty cries of newborns in the rooms next door. Hearing those cries felt like torture as I knew it was the sign of a strong and healthy baby, exactly what our baby wasn’t going to be. I really don’t think the post-labour ward is the right place to be for the Mum who is potentially about to go into premature labour. Seeing all the other babies and bumps brought an additional sting to the situation which made it even harder.

During this time I was offered the chance to go and look around the Neonatal unit, so it was less of a shock for me if Theo arrived. I declined the offer, probably as I knew how much more real and scary it would make the situation. I was also given a very serious talk with the top Neonatal consultant, discussing ‘viability’ and many possible complications of a baby born at 25 weeks. I felt my heart break into tiny pieces during this conversation, realising that my baby may not even make it to the Neonatal unit, let alone home. My fear of the unknown was indescribable and suddenly it all began to feel a bit more real.

3 days in I began to have very infrequent, mild contractions. I was still hopeful that I could be one of those women who get sent home and keep the baby in for weeks more, but when the contractions started, deep down in my heart I knew he was coming. Low and behold, the contractions began to slowly ramp up the pain scale and I was coping by just breathing deeply and taking codeine to manage the pain, but I felt so unprepared. I was supposed to do anti-natal classes. I had bought a book on hypno-birthing. Suddenly I was thrust into a labour I didn’t think would be happening for another 15 weeks, and I had no idea what I was doing.

After an examination, the midwife confirmed that I had begun to dilate so I was quickly rushed down to the labour ward. I was given a last minute ultra-sound to check the position of the baby, and his head was engaged. This meant that I could try for a natural birth. I was told that a natural birth was the safest option for a premature baby, but only if it happens quickly. I was warned that if there was any complications I would be rushed immediately for a C-Section.  Going through birth is incredibly traumatic for a premature baby which can cause bleeds to the brain, so they need to get them out as soon as possible.

My moderate contractions continued all through the night. The advice was to ‘try and sleep’ but the midwife kept bringing me more codeine for the pain. The painkiller made me incredibly drowsy and so I managed to doze in and out of sleep as the pain ramped up to the next level. By about 6am the contractions had reached yet another level, the strongest yet, so I pressed the emergency buzzer for the midwife. ‘He’s coming!’ I shouted. At this point I was in so much pain that I just wanted to get him out. I knew there was no going back. I had dilated overnight and when the midwife came in and checked she confirmed I had fully dilated. She handed me the gas and air. It was time to push.

My memory of the labour is blurred and hazy, but somewhere between being given the gas and air and doing the first few pushes, I realised the room had filled full of people. There were about 10 people in the room in total, including a whole team of consultants, doctors and nurses from the Neonatal unit, poised and ready to stabilise Theo. They had been on standby for the birth ever since I arrived in Bradford. I remember seeing a portable incubator by my bedside, with the heat lamp switched on and a tiny knitted hat to keep Theo warm.

After over 48 hours of contractions and around 45 minutes of pushing, Theo was delivered naturally at 07.18am on 30th October 2018. He weighed 1lb 12oz. I used codine and gas and air for pain relief. No epidural or anything more. Scott stayed by my side the whole time, holding my hand and feeding me water through a straw between pushes (the gas and air makes your mouth incredibly dry). I can only imagine how scared he also must have been at the time, but at that moment he was everything I needed him to be.

As soon as Theo was born, he was whisked away by the Neonatal team. When he was born he didn’t make a sound. There was no reassuring cry that every mother hopes to hear. I didn’t get to touch him, or even see him come out of me. I didn’t even know if he was alive. I later found out that nobody confirmed this to me because he wasn’t breathing at the time. I didn’t see him when he came out, but Scott told me he was blue so part of me is glad that I never saw. This is the part of the birth that has deeply affected me, and left me with trauma. I vaguely remember the midwife telling me to look over at Theo before he was wheeled away by the Neonatal team, but I remember feeling too scared to look. I glanced over and saw the tiny hat for a split second, and looked away again. At that moment I was completely broken.

Scott was encouraged by the midwives to follow the Neonatal staff and stay with Theo as he was stabilised in the Neonatal unit. At this point they suspected that I had an infection due to a temperature, so they started me on IV antibiotics and gave me an injection to get my placenta out. I don’t remember having to push it out, it just came out. I didn’t see the placenta either. I think the midwife just wanted to get everything over as soon as possible for me. Because of all this, I feel quite disconnected from the birth. I look back on it like it was a strange, hazy nightmare, rather than a memory from real life. All my life I’ve dreamed of the incredible moment my baby would be placed on my chest after birth, when in fact I didn’t get to hold him ’til 9 days later. Upon reflection, this is the reason I have been so affected.

About 4 hours after giving birth, the midwife came in and told me that Theo was stable and that we could go and see him in the Neonatal unit. I felt a surge of relief and fear run through me at the same time. I was so terrified to see my boy, to see how tiny he was.

Although my memory of the actual birth was hazy, seeing Theo for the first time is a moment that will stay with me vividly for the rest of my life. I was pushed through to the Neonatal unit in a wheelchair and we stopped beside his incubator. This was my first time in a NICU (Neonatal intensive care unit). I felt very intimidated and daunted by the environment, full of busy medical staff, beeping machines and incubators. I took a deep breath and stood up to see Theo for the first time. I looked at him from behind condensation-covered plastic and tears of sadness rolled down my face. He was covered in wires and tubes, none of which I understood at the time. My brain couldn’t compute that this was MY baby. The tiny baby I had been carrying round safely inside me for nearly 6 months. Looking at him, he could have been anyones baby. He was so fragile and I could see all of his ribs as his tiny chest rose and fell with breaths from the ventilator. But although he was miniature, he was perfectly formed. 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes. Scott put his arms around me and I just cried into his chest for a few minutes.

After 10 minutes or so the nurse encouraged me to put my hands through the small incubator portholes to touch him. I felt terrified to touch him in fear that I might hurt him. But I removed my rings, washed my hands meticulously and slowly reached inside to put my finger in the palm of his tiny hand. At that moment, I had no idea what the future held for us, but at that moment, the world stood still.

This moment marked the start of our Neonatal journey with Theo. It took 109 days, 17 weeks, 5 hospitals, 4 ambulance rides and 3 operations to bring Theo home. He was officially discharged 16th February 2019. My premature birth and the Neonatal journey has affected me in the form of post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety, but I am pleased to say I am working with an amazing therapist who has already made a hugely positive impact.

No two birth stories are the same. Every one is unique and whilst mine goes against every convention and maternal instinct you can think of, I made it through and our family is so much stronger as a result. Theo is now 13 weeks corrected and thriving. Against all the odds, we finally got our happy ending.

Thank you to every single midwife, consultant, surgeon, doctor, nurse and health care assistant who has been involved with Theo’s care. My gratitude is endless and he wouldn’t be here without you.

If you’re struggling to process aspects of your own birth, don’t suffer in silence. Help is available and don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for it. Speak to your health visitor or GP about accessing your local mental health service x

13 Comments

Related Posts

  • Hello Again, and Thank You
  • The Travelista Blog Celebrates its 2nd Birthday!
  • 5 Places Around The World That Have My Heart
« How Instagram has helped and hindered me since Theo was Born
A Baby Free Night at The Grand, York »

Comments

  1. Christine says

    28th August 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. My 23 weeker is now 2 and its still such a hard thing for me to process and reading other experiences helps it all feel a bit more “normal”, can’t find the right words

    Reply
    • Jess Gibson says

      25th October 2020 at 7:52 pm

      Thanks for your comment Christine. My son is now almost 2 as well. I am glad this post has helped you in some way. xx

      Reply
  2. Annmarie says

    19th June 2019 at 11:38 pm

    Wow, thank you so much for writing this, we are currently day 49 in our NICU journey, my first born, Alexander cake into the world 15 weeks early on may 3rd at 25+1 and weighing just 570g (1lb), I am beyond scared and full of anxiety 24/7 but just to hear you put into words exactly how I feel makes me realise I am not on my own in this…….. Theo gives me hope

    Reply
  3. thetravelsofmrsb says

    22nd May 2019 at 6:44 pm

    Oh Jess this makes me full of emotion but mostly pride as it is clear how strong Theo is and you are for making it though that journey. Theo is a true blessing xxx

    Reply
  4. Angie Silver says

    22nd May 2019 at 9:56 am

    I can’t imagine how hard it was to go through this and subsequently write about it. You’re so brave for putting your story out there and I’m sure you’ll give hope to lots of other women with a similar story. Thinking of you and your family, Theo is just gorgeous!!!

    Reply
  5. VickyFlipFlop says

    19th May 2019 at 3:30 pm

    Oh Jess, I’ve thought of you often over the last few months. I’m so glad he’s doing well now, and you, but I’m not surprised you’re traumatised. So scary, and sudden. You can’t take anything for granted can you? It sounds like it’s been a terrifying few months. Lots of love x

    Reply
  6. Karen Hutzcal says

    13th May 2019 at 6:50 pm

    All this is more than I imagined for you and Theo’s birth! Thank goodness for all the modern technology and knowledge of the hospital staff!

    You’ve come such a long way and I’m so happy that Theo is enjoying his family and outings in the fresh air. He looks like a very happy boy! May all of you enjoy every moment with him! ❤

    Reply
  7. emily grace says

    13th May 2019 at 1:38 am

    What a beautiful piece of art this is; it brought me to tears! You are so blessed with a beautiful gift. Happy Mothers Day 🙂

    Reply
  8. FTM says

    13th May 2019 at 1:01 am

    I was at the birth of your baby and reading this really touched my heart. It’s rare to be able to get an insight into the experience from the other side. I’m so happy to see how well your little boy is doing and hope he continues to thrive beautifully.

    Reply
  9. Nell says

    12th May 2019 at 10:12 pm

    This post confirms just how strong you are, I can’t believe you’ve been through all of this and I just hope you and Theo both keep getting stronger. I’ve been following your blog for a while and it was actually the reason I started my own travel blog at the end of last year! So glad you’re still writing, and I’m definitely still reading! All the best to all of you.

    Reply
  10. Ed Davis says

    12th May 2019 at 9:17 pm

    Praying for your son’s continued improvement and for your continued health improvement. Thank you for sharing your son’s birth story. I enjoy you blog.

    Reply
  11. aeparker81 says

    12th May 2019 at 8:21 pm

    I hope that each day gets easier to process and that writing it down helps too. I shuddered when I read where you were when you were under assessment, my cousin has worked so hard to change that in Brighton since she had the very same experience, it must make tough even tougher. A happy ending for you three thankgoodness, some special baby boys arrived in 2018
    Xx

    Reply
  12. pedmar10 says

    12th May 2019 at 7:05 pm

    Great story and I am happy for you and Theo and Scott, best wishes for the future. Salut!

    Reply

Spark a conversation! Cancel reply

Jess is an an award-winning travel blogger based in Yorkshire, navigating the world as a new Mum to baby Theo. Blogging about adventures both local and global.

Read More

Booking.com

Subscribe

Never Miss a Post!

Latest Posts

5 Alternative European City Break Ideas for 2021

Woolacombe Beach

A Toddler-Friendly Holiday in North Devon

Our Mini Adventures: 5 Family Friendly Days Out in Yorkshire

Follow on Instagram

Hey guys 👋🏼 This is my little self-developme Hey guys 👋🏼 This is my little self-development project. On 1st January I set some new intentions (not resolutions). The main one was to try and start waking up 1 hour earlier (I am not a morning person). But I wanted to make a change to start each day slowly and mindfully; to wake up and put my own needs first. Usually I would roll out of bed and be straight into Mum mode. Now I sit in silence with a hot cup of tea. Honestly, it has transformed my mornings and I can’t believe I’ve not done it sooner. Here are a few things I’ve been doing in my new daily hour of mental self care; 

⭐️1. The 5 Minute Journal - This book has been the greatest gift I have received in a long time. It has helped me to find gratitude in the smallest things, even when the world feels like its falling apart. I start my hour by filling out this journal. @fiveminutejournal 

⭐️2. Affirmations - I bought these beautiful affirmation cards from @lovaine_store on Etsy. Each morning I pick out a new affirmation and write it in my journal. Then I pluck another from my head. They're definitely teaching me to be kinder to myself and make me feel mentally stronger.

⭐️3. Mindfulness - After my journal I practice a guided meditation using the @calm app. 13 days in, I feel a lot more clarity. Tomorrow I’m also starting an 8 week mindfulness cognitive behavioural therapy course with @natalieenglander. I am a novice and I am excited to learn more.

Whilst we all feel like we have very little control over our lives right now, the one thing we CAN still control is our mindset. If you’re feeling frazzled and overwhelmed by the world right now, I really can’t recommend trying things enough ✨ 

What are you doing to look after your mental well-being right now? It’s brutal at the moment. Take care guys 💓
When your knee surgery gets cancelled AGAIN. If I When your knee surgery gets cancelled AGAIN. If I don’t laugh I’ll cry 😅 Another month on crutches for me. At least I got to see my boy experience snow for the first time today instead. Will keep being grateful for the small things ✨
Hey guys! I’ve decided to sign off IG for the fe Hey guys! I’ve decided to sign off IG for the festive period to focus on my family and my mental health. My knee surgery was booked for today but it has been cancelled last minute as the surgeon has tested positive for Covid. Classic. To say I am devastated is an understatement. I’ve cried many, many tears.

This means despite already isolating for 14 days, we need to continue isolating over Christmas in the hope that I can get the surgery on 29th December instead. So like all of you in tier 4, we will also be having a merry ‘little’ Christmas as a family of 3. We’ve spent Christmas before in hospital with Theo in an incubator, so to have him home and healthy is still a big step up from that. 

Still being on crutches after 7 weeks, I am stuck in a very frustrating situation. I am feeling low but trying to pick myself up and focus on the one thing I can control right now: my mindset. I still want to make Christmas special for our little boy despite the unwanted plot twist (shout out to my dad who is currently scouring supermarkets trying to piece together a Christmas food shop for us). 🙌🏼🥴

Merry Christmas guys. What a year. We can only try to make the very best of the cards we’ve been dealt. Stay safe and keep it little. See you all soon ✨🎄✨
⚡️FESTIVE NEWS FLASH ⚡️ 🌟You don’t n ⚡️FESTIVE NEWS FLASH ⚡️

🌟You don’t need matching family pyjamas to have a good Christmas.

🌟You don’t need to make a Christmas Eve Box to be a great parent.

⭐You don’t need expensive Christmas days out to make it magical.

🌟You don’t need to watch Christmas films in a tidy, ambient room.

🌟You don’t need a perfect, colour coordinated Christmas tree.

🌟You don’t need to overindulge if you don’t want to.

🌟You don’t need a sprawling mass of presents under the tree.

🌟You don’t need to cook everything featured on the Jamie Oliver Christmas special.

🌟Hell, you don’t even need to change out of that trusty loungewear set you’ve been wearing all year.

💓 Embrace the chaos and all the things that make your Christmas unique. Stop letting social media trick you into thinking you don’t have it all. Honey, you do 💓

Merry Christmas and thank you for following us this year, love from me and Theo 🎄✨

(Inspired by Bd Blogs)
Hey guys! I’ve been quiet on here as I’m self Hey guys! I’ve been quiet on here as I’m self isolating for 2 weeks for my knee surgery which is just before Christmas. So right now I’m literally just focusing on getting through the days and reaching my op date. 

I’ve torn cartilage and the ACL ligament in my knee (caused by an old sport injury). My knee is ‘locked’ bent and I can’t weight bear on it. I have been on crutches since mid November so in true 2020 style, it’s all been a bit shit. Fortunately, the surgery will instantly unlock my knee, then I have a long physio programme to follow.

Like many others, this isn’t how I imagined the lead up to Christmas would be. If you’re feeling a little disappointed, you’re not alone. It’s not easy isolating with a toddler and an injured knee. It’s taking a lot of mental strength at the moment but my strategy is to just go one day at a time. Gin is also helping 🙃

Bring on January when I can run around like this with my boy again and plan new adventures. I’ll appreciate it all the more now. Do you have any coping strategies to get through a 14 day isolation? I’m all ears 👂🏼🌿 P.S Help 🥴

Photos by @korm87
Hey guys! I’m excited to share some big news. I’ve got a job! It’s an amazing communications role at a national UK charity 🥳

Since 2016, running The Travelista has been my full time job and sole source of income. I have travelled the world through a job that I created, and I could not be more proud of this. However, my life evolved when I became a Mum and suddenly and traumatically (15 weeks earlier than expected) my lifestyle totally changed.

Then Covid came along. My blog earnings took a hit and the summer lockdown with a young toddler was difficult to say the least. I was left feeling burnt out and desperate for a bit of structure. I also craved some financial certainty. I realised what I needed and went looking for it, in the middle of a pandemic.

I am proud to be a working Mum and I am pleased to say I feel like I have designed the ideal working scenario for myself now. But fear not, The Travelista isn’t going anywhere! 

The new job is part time so I work 3 days a week for the charity and have the rest of my week to dedicate to Theo and do bits for The Travelista. I spend some evenings and Sundays working on blog content, but only if I want to. I don’t put any pressure on myself. The result is that I am enjoying my content creation so much more. As a part time employee and a small business owner, I sort of feel as though I now have the best of both worlds. 

I am learning so much in the job and although I work from home, I feel so much more connected to the outside world. Its very nice to be part of a team again and feel like I am making a difference for a charity with a very good cause. So far the job has been very good for my mental health.

After totally losing myself in the first year of motherhood, this is a really positive step for me and one that I thought was worth celebrating. So that’s one good thing to come out of 2020 😊 Essay over!

Now, tell me one positive thing that has happened to you in 2020? ✨

Subscribe

Never miss a post! Subscribe for Travelista updates and newsletters

Latest Video

  • 3847likes
  • 19680followers
  • 10426followers
  • 1850subscribers

Copyright © 2021 · Design by Gatto

Copyright © 2021 · The Travelista on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

  • Privacy Policy
  • FAQ
  • Contact