The Travelista

An Early Arrival: Theodore William Hamilton

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Those of you who follow me on social media may have noticed I’ve been unusually quiet for the past few weeks. I am glad to finally share the reason why.

On 30th October 2018 at 7.18am, I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy. His name is Theodore William Hamilton, and we’re calling him Theo for short. I thought that today was a good day to share this, as today is his ‘1 month’ birthday. If you were reading my pregnancy diary posts you will know that Theo has come incredibly early.

He is the tiniest, most perfect thing I have ever seen. His early arrival came as a complete shock. Since my waters broke unexpectedly and prematurely (a condition medically referred to as PPROM), our world has been turned upside down and we’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions ever since. It has been exhausting and all-consuming, hence the silence on social media and the lack of blog posts.

Our beautiful boy is very premature and has a long road ahead of him. We won’t be able to bring him home until he reaches full term in February, but we can spend as much time with him in the Neonatal unit as we like. He has been through so much his first month of life (including 2 major operations), but he has already shown us how much determination, character and fight he has to be in the world. We have been living with Theo at the Royal Hallamshire Hospital ever since his birth, and we’re hoping he will soon be transferred to the equivalent Neonatal unit in Leeds now that he has made some positive progress.

Getting to know my tiny baby through a plastic incubator has been the hardest and most heartbreaking thing I have ever gone through. I wasn’t able to hold him in my arms until 2 weeks after he was born. It goes against every convention of motherhood and every maternal instinct you can think of. My pregnancy was taken away from me so suddenly, and I’ve become a mother 3 months earlier than I had prepared for. Psychologically, there is a lot of surrounding factors to also deal with. But I am slowly coming to terms with everything that has happened, putting myself back together piece by piece and finding the positives in every day. 

The support of family and friends has helped Scott and I to stay strong and reminded us how lucky we are to have this unconditional support network. The consultants, doctors and nurses caring for Theo are also incredible people and I have a new found respect for healthcare professionals and the NHS. Where would we be without it?

So forgive me if content is a little thin on the ground in the next few months, but being with Theo is my number one priority right now. I am going to take some time away to focus on Theo, and will share updates and news whenever I feel ready.

We can’t wait for the day we can finally bring him home.

Jess x

If you have any advice or words of wisdom for getting through an incredibly tough time, I’d love to hear them.

Comments

  1. Your vulnerability is inspiring. Continue to show up for Mr Theo, he knows you’re there. Sending you all my positive thoughts and prayers, you can do this! – A fellow NICU nurse.

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  3. Oh Hun, sending so much love for you and your family. This was heartbreaking to read, you are so strong and he will be just like his mamma. Hold on in there hun. His little hand is gorgeous! x

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  4. Congratulations lovely – I had noticed you were absent online and now I understand why, enjoy getting to know your bundle of joy xxx

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  5. I’m in much shock on Theo’s early arrival! Congratulations on being new parents! Please be patient as he’s receving the best of care. I was a 5 or 6 week preemie way back in 1956. So many advances in their care. I can imagine how hard it is not to be able to hold him. You will one day and it will be so worth it. My prayers for all of you as you continue this journey. ❤❤❤

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  6. Such a beautiful name, my son Theo William was born at 28 weeks as well. This must such a difficult time for you and your family but hoping you have all the support from them and the amazing NHS, they truly are amazing.
    Sending you all the love and strength.
    Francine xx

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  7. Oh wow, congratulations! I was worried when I read your last Instagram post, so I’m glad you’re all OK. I’ve enjoyed reading your pregnancy updates (as one of my favourite bloggers!) as I’m also pregnant. Stay strong and know that you have a whole load of readers thinking about you x

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  8. Oh my gosh Jess! I’m so pleased to hear he’s fighting through and sending positive thoughts through to when he can come home. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, all I can say is to not worry about anything other than getting through as a family, and make sure you’re taking time to keep yours and Scott’s relationship strong by talking to each other and even though you each might deal with this differently, process what you’re going through together and speak to people to make sure you’re not bottling it all up to be strong for others, as it will come out some time in some way if your emotions aren’t processed.
    Sending big hugs to you
    Amy xxx

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  9. You’re incredicle Jessica and doing so well. Stay strong and positive! We’re all so proud of you, Scott and of course Theo. He’s a little fighter and I can’t wait to meet him. Sending love and positive vibes always xxx

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  10. Congratulations on Theo’s arrival, so glad to hear he is doing well as your silence worried me. He will have the best care and savour the time you get with him each day. My cousin had a baby at the same point if you want someone to talk to? Look after yourself too Mummy, savour the littleness and the hands and toes as even though he is small now he will grow so quickly. Xx

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  11. Many congratulations to you ! I am very glad that your sweet little boy is doing well now by fighting hard. Sending you all the love and hugs from India !! Stay strong ! Can’t wait to see your post soon with Theo and you spending wonderful time at home !

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  12. So many congratulations! What a strong boy you have and you are already an incredible mum, sounds like he couldn’t wait to meet you. Take every day as it comes and live in the moment. These babies are born fighters xxx

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  14. Oh my goodness gorgeous girl – CONGRATS!! Sending you all so, so much love and well wishes, can’t imagine how tough this has been on you all but I’m so glad to hear that he’s doing so well! Can’t wait for the day that he’s home with you all!

    Sending you lots of love and I’ll be thinking of you all <3

    Hayley xxx

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  • Theo’s first smile 😊 Theo is now 20 weeks old but he is “6 weeks corrected”. This means it’s 6 weeks since his due date, so if he was born on time he would be 6 weeks old. So although my little boy has been living and breathing on earth for over 14 extra weeks, developmentally he is only 6 weeks old. It’s a strange concept to get your head around at first, and I’m not massively keen on the “corrected” terminology but it is what it is. If we’re out and about and people take an interest by asking his age (and omg they do so much), I tell them his corrected age. Being so early I have been wondering if Theo’s developmental milestones will be a little slower but this week Theo has given us his first “social smile”, right on track at 6 weeks old! This is a huge milestone, although the smile was at Grandma and not at me. Our little miracle continues to amaze us every day. We are so proud of him 💫
  • Mental health 💭🌿 It’s a topic I’ve never talked about before because honestly, I have never been affected by it. I would see things about anxiety online and just feel very disconnected from it as I didn’t truly understand what it was, but all that has changed. I went from having a super healthy pregnancy to a very poorly premature baby in the space of a few days. I’ve held my babies hand whilst he fought for his life, fearing that we’d never get to take him home. I lived in an intensive care unit for 6 weeks, met parents with heart-breaking stories and have been exposed to all the possible health issues of prematurity. This week my Health Visitor helped me to realise that all this has manifested itself into quite a severe health anxiety. It felt like a huge weight off my shoulders to acknowledge this and to talk about ways I can get help with this new found anxiety, and process the rocky experience I’ve been through. She told me about a local mental health service which today I self-referred myself to. It may take a long time to psychologically recover from all that we’ve been through, but today I made a positive step towards getting there, so I can enjoy my boy without this dark cloud of anxiety looming over me. Does anyone have any advice and tips for dealing with health anxiety? 💭💫 Photo taken whilst Theo was still in hospital 💕
  • Adventure awaits my darling boy! Before Theo was even meant to be born he had already spent time in 3 different hospitals, in 3 different cities. The nurses all joked he was doing his own “Tour de Yorkshire” (clearly the travel life chose him 😅). When I was pregnant, I had plans to be on a plane with him once he was a few months old. I envisaged myself exploring a new city with with him strapped to my chest whilst navigating with Google Maps. I wanted to jump in two feet first to the whole “travelling abroad with a baby” thing, but it turns out life had other plans. Being premature, Theo’s immune system is much less robust and he is more susceptible to infections compared to a term baby. Whilst this isn’t going to stop us from seeing the world, it means we want to stay close to the NHS for Theo’s first year. So what does this mean for my travels and the blog? Well, you can expect to see a new emphasis on UK travel content, with plenty of mini breaks, local staycations and boutique hotels which we can enjoy as a family, with Theo. Any overseas trips I do will continue to be baby-free for now, for the next 12 months at least. Although I’m excited for my content to reflect my new journey into motherhood, I’m not about to become a ‘mummy blogger’. I want to maintain my own identity and I think my blog will play a big part in that. My life has evolved so it’s time to allow my blog to evolve with me as I start this next chapter of my life. I hope you all stick around for the adventures, no matter how big or small they may be. Swipe for the cutest morning sneezes 💫🌍👶🏼 P.S Thanks Auntie @hannahfrancesm for Theo’s cool new sleepsuit (from @shopmatalan)
  • The woman who has held me together since my life fell apart. When Scott had to go back to work and Theo was in hospital in Sheffield, my Mum dropped everything to come and stay with me in the hospital accommodation for 6 weeks. She was there for me on my darkest days, when my heart was shattered into a million pieces and I didn’t think I could keep going. She sat with me beside Theo’s incubator day in, day out, even though she was not allowed to touch or hold him. She spent hours researching everything there is to know about premature babies. She must have sterilised my expressing kit for me over 200 times 😂😩. She is the most selfless woman I’ve ever known and now that I’ve become a Mum myself I appreciate her even more. Today is her Birthday and we got to spend it together as a family, eating cake and drinking prosecco (just the one aperol spritz for me👌🏼). Theo got to meet his cousin Amelie for the first time and it was the first day my Mum got to spend time with both of her grandkids together. I was nervous to take Theo out into a restaurant for the first time but he was so good and slept for almost the whole time! Happy Birthday Mum and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Today was good for the soul 💫🎂
  • (AD - Gifted) Our first outing ✨🍃 We took Theo for a pram walk around our favourite place in Leeds, Temple Newsam. I’m not going to lie, it felt like a pretty scary task and my head was full of worries. Are we really allowed to actually take our baby out and about? After everything with Theo being so medicalised for the past +3 months, it felt so alien to just get out of the house and do something *normal* as a family. Having done nothing but spend my days in hospital, I sort of have to integrate myself back into society too. I’ve been institutionalised 😅 We only managed a short stroll before the rain came in, but it still felt like a huge accomplishment and was amazing to take Theo (and ourselves) out for some fresh air. Baby steps! People who saw us walking around will have had no idea what we’d been through to get there. Mamas, what was your first outing with your newborn and how did it go? Our Pram is the new Day3 from @myjoolz (hiding under the rain cover) and we absolutely love it! Head to my stories for a closer look at the pram #myjoolz💘
  • Never in a million years did I think I’d get to finally breast feed Theo. Alongside the rollercoaster ride of having a premature baby, I’ve had my own physical challenge of expressing and maintaining my milk supply when Theo was too tiny to orally feed. Since the day Theo was born, I was encouraged to start trying to express breast milk. The Neonatal doctors explained that breast milk, especially colostrum, is like medicine to premature babies. The antibodies and immunities it carries cannot be replicated by any drug or formula. As Theo came so early, my body was nowhere near ready to produce any breast milk but after almost a week of painful hand expressing, my milk came in. In order to keep my milk supply up I’ve had to express 8 times a day by electric pump, every day, for the past 17 weeks (now you can see why I haven’t had time post anything on Instagram😅). Amongst the stress and anxiety I was going through in the Neonatal unit, expressing so frequently was incredibly tough. There were so many times I wanted to give up, but knowing it would benefit Theo and improve his health kept me going. As Theo got bigger he developed the sucking and swallowing skills needed to breast feed so we gave it a go. He took to it amazingly! At that moment all those painful hours of expressing at 2am suddenly became worth it. It was one of the first ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ elements of motherhood that I got to experience. Unfortunately Theo can’t be exclusively breastfed as there aren’t enough calories in breast milk alone for him to have a ‘catch up’ growth. He’s on a special feeding plan created by the Neonatal dietician which combines prescription formula with some of my breast milk and extra calories and fats. So although sadly our breastfeeding journey can’t be long term, it existed, and for that I am proud ✨💕 Thanks to my friend Emily who spontaneously took this family photo of us, even though I still felt so awkward about getting my boob out at the time 🙈

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